When I moved into my rental apartment, I discovered my window posed a challenge: while the existing blinds offered some privacy, they did nothing to block out the early morning sunlight. As a light-sensitive sleeper, I knew blackout curtains were essential for quality rest. However, the rental property restrictions posed a dilemma to installing my own black out curtains. I opted for what seemed like a clever solution: adhesive-mounted curtain rod holders. Initially, it worked great – except for one stubborn holder that became my nemesis. It has fallen four times now, most recently in the middle of the night when it released the rod directly onto my face (ouch!). After each failure, I stubbornly reattached a new adhesive holder, defying Einstein and his definition of insanity. In my defense, I’m a programmer. This wrestling match with window hardware has become a metaphor for something I’ve been pondering: grit. The view/outlook that is often the difference maker, a thing that inspires people to go harder, better and faster, defined by psychologist Angela Duckworth as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals”.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the paths taken and abandoned in my life – achievements earned and opportunities missed – all pivoting on grit. To name a few: Earlier this year my friend and I chose not to run a SAAS when the big boys were rumored to roll out their own email summarization tools within their software; I chose to self-teach programming about 5 years ago even though I had barely been exposed to computers outside my theory-heavy computer studies education in highschool (Fun fact, I took a computer class in high school, but only because it was the easier alternative for me. I struggled with programming assignments, and a short stint to try and self teach python made me loathe the whole thing so much I took a two year break and tried to do other things). I’m fairly confident that upon returning to programming after my hiatus, my grit (particularly towards programming) put me on the path of success, and even liking it. What I’m not confident about is where this grit came from. I would, on most days, love to have this grit so I can power past days of no motivation and be successful in most things I do. I have no idea how I can activate it so the only way to find out is to try and trace it. The narratives of grit I’m about to discuss below already have some or all the other factors necessary for success (hard work ethic, basic talent for execution, perseverance etc) which can vary wildly and greatly with no obvious ways of how to acquire them.
To me, the most obvious source of grit is when survival is at stake. When our basic needs are threatened, we find ourselves persevering through the toughest circumstances for two reasons: either the immediate action helps us survive, or we believe pushing through promises some future relief. I’ve observed the former in people who immerse themselves deeply in books, games, or computers – not just as an escape, but as a shield against harsh realities they’re facing. I’ve read some stories of programmers who, during their hardest times, would lose themselves in coding and tinkering with computers, not knowing their persistence would eventually become profitable. While they couldn’t see a long-term goal at the time, their sheer perseverance with programming meant that when opportunities finally emerged, their grit had already set them up for success. The downside being that, for this to work, you need to have access to the building blocks of the activities you seek to do. The other side of this coin is doing something when it’s your only way out. There’s plenty of stories of Entrepreneurs dropping out of college/quitting their jobs to focus on their companies knowing they are screwed if the companies don’t succeed. They don’t always succeed but seeing the success of their companies as their only way empowers them to go through whatever troubles to make their companies succeed. On more relatable examples, lots of us work hard every day to climb Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Equally valid.
While one might assume that grit only emerges from adversity, I’ve observed that positive exposure and supportive environments can be equally powerful in cultivating it. Take professional sports, for instance: in the English Premier League (my biased sample), many successful players have family connections to football – they’re often children or relatives of people already working in the sport (source: the Players Tribune). This proximity breeds success through two key mechanisms: First, there’s the practical support system: everyone around these aspiring athletes invests in their success. They get early enrollment in academies, consistent practice opportunities, and unwavering support through setbacks. Second, there’s the psychological element: when everyone around you shares this goal, you develop an internal drive not to let them down. This pattern extends beyond sports. Research shows entrepreneurs are more likely to start companies if they know other founders. The impact of this community exposure cannot be understated – these connections provide support, resources, and guidance that help de-risk ventures. More importantly, they help develop a stronger sense of self and clearer life goals earlier on.
My own journey into programming illustrates this perfectly. In 2019, I attended a Google Developer Conference as a programming novice. The connections I made there became instrumental in my development – they pointed me to resources, reviewed my projects, and celebrated my early achievements (even simple “hello world” programs). I initially focused on Android development simply because that’s what my new community was doing. While most of them stayed in the Android ecosystem, I eventually branched out. Keenly, when I developed personal relationships with them, I admired their lifestyle: teenage me was obsessed with working remotely in shorts and (free) t-shirts. Though seemingly superficial, this vision of freedom from traditional office culture motivated my career choices. Interestingly, this approach aligns with both Moxie Marlinspike’s career advice and Gabriele Oettingen’s Scientifically Validated Dream-Realization strategy (WOOP).
It’s still not clear to me how I could ‘activate’ grit, though I’m glad I realize now that grit isn’t solely born from hardship. It can also thrive in environments filled with encouragement and shared ambitions, and there’s no magic formula to success on whatever I choose to do.